Confessions of a Potential Hoarder – I Believe the Cute Name is “Pack Rat?”

Last night I watched the most disturbing episode of Hoarders on A&E. These people had been using a closet as a toilet for 10 YEARS!

Now I am not the neatest person on the planet, as my nearest and dearest can attest, but this show got my anxiety crankin’ and I’ve been cleaning and sorting and going through papers since the alarm chimed. My first challenge of the new year: stay focused enough to tackle this daunting chore.


With the exception of a few email breaks, and creating clever new Pandora stations, the fruits of my labor have finally paid off. But I thought I would share some of the miscellaneous items discovered and subsequently thrown out (or donated) whilst reorganizing… aside from dust bunnies the size and density of baseballs.

If only my clutter was this organized. Someone's ready for the apacolypse! Yipes!

Things found while cleaning my place:

1. Stamps from when they were $.37.

2. 6 different types of headsets, thought I’m not clear where, when, or how that collection came to be. Perhaps there’s some subconscious audio listening device hoarding happening here?

Seriously, if I had known there was an abundance of these hiding in my files I would have rocked them every day!

3. Love letter from an ex-boyfriend. Thank god I upgraded my dating standard from illiterate to at least somewhat grammatically correct. (What a moron, not that I’m still bitter or anything… 6 years later.)

This is not what he looks like, but this is what reminds me of him.

4. The Big Book of Faith – Acts of Faith: Daily Meditations for People of Color. This was a stocking stuffer from “Santa” back in high school. These people I call family know me so well.

It's like 400 pages. Light reading for those looking to find enlightenment?

5. Vicodin from when I had my wisdom teeth out in 2001.

6. Checkbooks in chronological order of places I’ve lived since 2003. (Impressive, no?)

7. Two mates to two missing pairs of earrings. (SEE?! I knew I held on to those for years for some reason.)

Please sir can I have some more?

8. A folder of old pay stubs or what I like to call “Evidence that I actually was paid a decent salary once” aka “The Good Old Days.”

The last time I had a salary they were still hand writing paychecks.

9. A folder of 401K papers. Further proof that I was technically retired from January 2005 – May 2005 while living off those rolled over dollars.

10. Approximately 5,000 socks with absolutely no matches. It’s like a foot fetish smorgasbord. Where did they all come from? Should I throw a sock matching party?

Seriously overwhelming.

OK, OK the list could go on but I’ve been typing this instead of continuing to clean. The Master Procrastinator must get back to work. Just this once I’ve avoided the hoarding pattern, but the true task at hand will be maintenance… or move, leave everything behind, and never look back.

PS The best Pandora station I came up with today is dedicated to The Bobby Fuller Four.

Let her dance. Let her dance all night long.


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